One Year Later

Life isn’t fair sometimes. Life can be shorter than we think. Some days it is easy to ignore and other days… other days you gain or regain a perspective on just how short or fleeting it can be.

Sometimes it is a memory that pops up…

Sometimes it is a realization of future life that someone is facing when someone they love is going through cancer…

Sometimes it is thinking of what you would be facing if that someone was you…

Sometimes it is something only related in a way that your mind wildly connects…

But that perspective is what shapes your life and how you approach each day even as the mundane tasks seem to try to take over the day and the thoughts of what the day entails.

A Year Ago

A year ago I had just returned home from surgery again, my third in three years. Just two weeks ago I felt the anxiety rising in my throat as I drove up to the hospital and walked down to the office. I had my post-op checkup for a one year check, to be told all is okay and I don’t have to make a six-hour drive for a five-minute visit again … unless I need it in the future because of a concern.

I’m thankful.

But that anxiety is very real.  The fear of having to have another surgery.  The concerns of another recovery.  The fear of the possible unknown in a visit that should be routine and not a big deal.  The anxiety is likely “white-coat syndrome” but it has been a long few years and I’m not surprised really that it is there.

Perspectives

Even last week the perspective foremost in my mind was of what I haven’t accomplished in the summer that I wanted to.  In the all the things I haven’t accomplished before my husband started working again last week for the semester.  Things I haven’t accomplished in the last three years, especially as I look at the house … the list could go on. Especially as I had to lay low and let my body rest with a migraine and dizziness that seems to have a mind of their own.

Changing my mindset, my daily perspective, changing the narrative that focuses on the mundane things that won’t really matter a year from now, being thankful for the days that I do have and the little things I find in them… this is what I want to do for the next year.

Guess anniversaries like a major surgery can bring on introspective thoughts.

Moving Forward

Today I’m working on planning for our school year.  In the years past, we have started already.  But this year… This year I need a bit more time.  So I’m taking it.  I’m giving myself the grace to know we will get it all done.  Even for my now, gulp, seventh grader.

After some encouragement from a friend, I’m working on a post of ways someone who wants to, can help our family out.  Whether it is things we need for school or ways to help/encourage us when the days seem the money is always tight.

I’m trying to think of a routine for our days where I purposely schedule in time for me.  Time to write, read, color, play with my planner, or even nap.  Something to help refresh my soul and ground me a little bit more.

I’m trying to think of four things I can do for forty days before I turn forty-four next month.  I’m trying to think of how I want to track it, to encourage myself to be able to check those boxes off every day even though craziness begins this weekend.

I’m trying to change my mindset, and take care of myself.  Not only for myself, but for my girls to see how necessary it is before you are all worn down and the days seem endless.

What are you doing today?