Define – Five Minute Friday

This post is inspired by the word, Define, from Five Minute Friday. I know it’s Monday.  My days are all screwed up anyways this week.

Define… and go.

Tonight I’m up typing trying to get my mind to let me go to sleep.

Defining myself as a mother, a good one I hope, is something that I do at least 20 times a day.  My husband made sure to assure me tonight that I am a good mother because I drove the kids out to a 24 hour event that he was a part of and the presentations to see what everyone was working on.  Now while for some you might not understand why that defined me as a good mother let me explain.  The event was 1 1/2 hours away.  I had to bring all four kids (ages 3 to 11).  I also then was going to be driving home with them on my own, to have two more days with them on my own before he got home.  To him, this defined me as a good mom.

Just a day ago I posted a picture of my youngest who is not used to having her hair combed and I bemoaned the fact that I have not felt better these last two years (she is 3 remember) to have her used to getting her hair brushed/combed out.  A friend of mine with a daughter just a bit younger chimed in saying how I do so much for my girls, I am a good mother.

Later this evening, I self defined myself as a horrible mom, and this is why I’m still awake.  My oldest, as mentioned 11, seemed to be exhibiting symptoms of a UTI a few weeks ago.  (Why is it kids are always sick on a weekend?)  She seemed to be getting better, as that Monday approached I asked her if she felt better, she assured me she did and so I let it go.  I guess I need to define “better” with her in a more complete fashion.  Sigh.

I found out tonight that she is not only hurting but hurts in ways that no one should, and so therefore I will be calling the pediatrician tomorrow morning, or rather this morning, to see what we are going to do and how.  This in my mind defined me as a horrible mother.  How did I not realize my daughter was sick?  What other signs did I miss?  How do I not get depressed by this defining of me (as a horrible mother) so I do not feel defeated even going into the pediatrician’s office with her.

So much of what we do as mom’s is defined by how the kids and husband are doing, feeling.  I need to remember to define me.  Me as a strong mom who drove the kids out.  Me as a strong mom that finally pushed my daughter and finally got answers.  Me as the mom who will be strong going into the discussion with the doctor on how we missed this and what we should be looking for in the future.  Me as the mom who has to teach my daughters better self-care skills even when it is soooooo hard to do it for myself.  (I’m thinking of a phone call I need to make to my own doctor).

and stop….

I think I have a few more avenues here to explore… especially self-care skills.  How do you care for yourself when you are overwhelmed with life? This month I’m finding it very hard not to get overwhelmed…

You can read more Five Minute Friday posts on this word here.